sick & tired
days (nights) like this i just feel like dropping everything, packing up and leaving for nowhere in particular. i just need to be away from every single fucking person i know, away from all the drama and shit.
i hate everyone
i hate my life
and most of all
i hate myself
sometimes my feelings are contradictory; at times i feel like the people around me can and are willing to just listen and help me, but most of the time i just close everyone out of my life. i blame everyone around me when the fucking reality is staring at me in the face; i refuse to accept help.
in school i seem like the happiest person, outgoing, sociable, smiling all the time. apparently my smiles are darn convincing. it has became such a norm for me; smiling when i dont mean it and apparently its working. and honestly im just so thankful that at least the people who see me think im a normal kid.
the world sucks
i suck the most
i honestly dont give a fuck anymore
it doesnt matter how i feel
meanwhile i’ll just pretend to be numb
act like im numb
until one day, i’m numb, inside and out.
cold nostalgia chills me to the bones
4 October 2012 - 10 September 2013.
342 days attached to you.
23 days since we broke up,
Woke up this morning with a fucking heavy heart.
Do you know what’s the occasion today? I wonder if you remember. I wonder if you feel like I do. I wonder if you’re thinking of me like how I’m thinking of you. Will you remember today? Will you at least feel affected in one way or another? I guess not. You moved on like it was the easiest thing to do. Moved on without looking back once.
I can’t help but wonder how different today would be if we were still together. Today could have been my happiest day in a long time. Today could have been so damn much better. Today could have meant so much to me. Today could have been our first year together.
I guess I’m just overreacting. I guess I’m just being overly sensitive. I should be clearer than anyone that you’ve moved on so should I. I should’ve known earlier.
The times we spent together and the memories we’ve made, I will keep them inside of me.
Tomorrow I will move on with my life, as best as I can. Try not to ever look back at what we used to have.
Today, just for today, I will let myself feel sad, nostalgic, sentimental, for the very last time. Today I will think back on what we used to share, and today, is the last day I’ll ever shed a tear for you.
“Sometimes, people just want to be happy, even if it’s not real.”
– Veronica Roth, Insurgent
Decided to delete my blogspot it was getting kinda out of hand, and not to mention wordpress. But i really need an outlet for my thoughts so yup 2nd tumblr acc. (main: runaway-blues) Currently 1.31 am and i just feel so so numb. Finally told you all that i had always wanted to say and your reaction was expected. But now am i supposed to feel relief? Happiness? Sadness? Irdk I just feel so numb. You should know that after what you did, we can never go back to “how we were back in those days”. Last year was supposed to be one of the best years of my life but instead it was totally ruined by you. You just left my life as and when you liked and now you want to enter my life again? Are you kidding? I’m doing fine without you. But part of me still wants to forgive you. And go back to the old times. Don’t you understand how i feel?